I’m not a comedienne. I’m not very good at being funny unless it’s sarcastic, but Katie laughed at this bit, so here it is for all the world to see. And it’s copyrighted.
There’s a moment in Star Wars where a Han Solo Harrison Ford, Chewbacca, Luke Skywalker and the princess who needs rescuing are floating around in the Millennium Falcon out in the middle of space. They see a little “pod”, a tiny evil enemy aircraft scouting the stars, and Han Solo Harrison Ford wonders aloud how such a tiny pod got so far out into space. It’s a Star Wars impossibility. The pod can’t get out there by itself… where is the rest of the fleet?
I’m not against cops. I like cops. What I’m against is being pulled over and charged for making my own rules regarding the speed limit. I think there should be a different method for limiting speed, and here’s my proposal: (before you start, “J, how does this connect to Han Solo?” Hang on. I know what I’m doing. I’m an English major.) Each new driver should be given a virtual “Handling Test”, where she/he is tested at what speed she/he is able to maintain control of the car. Then based on skill level, a sticker would be put on his/her car stating how many miles over the limit you are authorized to drive. Plus two, plus ten, minus six… etc. Embarrassing to be a minus six? Learn to drive better. There’s going to be a special “Negative Numbers” lane.
Anyway.
I was out on a remote part of the highway the other day, just driving to relieve stress, going above my recommended speed limit when I saw a motorcycle cop.
I freaked. My heart started going insanely fast, and I began the ritual: foot off gas, easing slowly onto the brake, dropping within the approved zone. Panic, panic, panic. He passed me, and I waited the obligatory two minutes for a sign of lights in my rearview mirror before breathing a sigh of relief.
But what was a motorcycle cop doing this far out of the city? I slowed down. Where was the fleet of cars? I slowed down even farther. Where was the speed monitor? I actually used the brake.
A little after my panic attack subsided, I started thinking… If there was a little one, there must be big ones nearby. Where’s your battle station, motocop? Where’s your fuel source?
Watch out for the little ones. 
To all my friends on the force: this was in no way intended to offend… just to be funny. I appreciate all you do, and will do better to stay within the speed limit.
3 Comments
June 17, 2008 at 4:06 pm
June 17, 2008 at 9:24 pm
LOL…..loved it. “where is your fuel source……” great stuff Jessica.
July 29, 2008 at 11:40 pm
ahhh! I love your idea about having the special speed sticker!