I am 22 years old, and I have no idea what I want to do with my life.
That realization, among a few others and a lot of laughs incited by reruns of Old School on TBS led to a massive amount of tears tonight. Some because I’m so frustrated that I am already ready to retire from the job I don’t have, some because I think I may have moved out of CS too soon, some because I think I moved back to D too late, some because I was laughing so hard at how stupid and petty I’m being about my career goals when I know that God will work it all out… and the most because Nick, Will Ferrell, and Luke Wilson really make me laugh.
After an hour of all those mixed up tears and emotions, I decide it’s time to go home, and Nick (who for some reason loves me when I’m unreasonable) kissed me on the forehead. “You’re gorgeous, and I love you.”
Even right now?
“Even right now. Drive safely. I love you.”
I drove away, not speeding, not particularly tired or upset, thinking that I’m a very lucky person to have so much love in my life. On the way home, Nick tried to convince me that I’m not an abject failure, and I went off on a diatribe about how I want to find a job that can be both something I love and successful. I was getting upset again, which he was very against. “J, I wasn’t trying to upset you. I just wanted to clarify.”
Why can’t I find a job I love and that’s successful?
“You can, it’s just not going to be as easy as finding a job you hate.”
I was about to reply, when I noticed that the road ahead of me wasn’t as bright as it usually is. I think I’m about to have to replace a headlight, one of them looks a little dim.
“Maybe it’s just the street lights. I’ll look at it tomorrow.”
Sirens. Flashing red, blue and white lights. I’m about to be pulled over.
“J, I told you to be careful. I thought you weren’t speeding.”
I wasn’t. (I’ve learned enough speeding lessons, thanks.)
“Then why are you being pulled over?”
I have absolutely no idea.
“Okay well, in Jesus’ name, it’s nothing serious.”
I wasn’t doing anything serious!
“Please don’t get arrested for yelling at the cop.”
Author’s note: the following scenario is 100% true.
“Hi, how are you doing tonight?”
I could have done without being pulled over at 12 in the morning. “I’m fine, thanks.” I’m not fine. I have a headache and I want to go home.
“License and registration, please.”
“May I ask what I’m being pulled over for?”
“I’ll get to that in just a moment, ma’am.” Is there some law against him telling me what the heck I’m being pulled over for before he checks my license?
“Ma’am, the reason I pulled you over tonight is because your left front headlight is out.”
I thought that the street ahead of me looked dim. I was so right. “Oh, I’m sorry about that.”
“Were you aware of the problem, ma’am?”
No. I don’t habitually turn on the car in the middle of the night, get out of the car I just turned on and walk around it for a visual inspection of the lights. “No, no I wasn’t. It must have just happened this evening.”
“Ma’am, you still live at (address)?”
“Yes.”
“And is that where you’re headed now?”
It’s where I’m trying to go. “Yes.”
“Where are you coming from tonight?”
Seriously? How in the world is it your business? “A friend’s house.”
“Have you been drinking tonight, ma’am?”
I’m laughing a little bit because the situation is so unrealistic. “Absolutely not.”
“Really?”
What? I just said I hadn’t been drinking. “No, I don’t drink.”
“Well, the reason I ask is because your eyes are a little bloodshot.”
My boyfriend said I looked gorgeous. “Well, I’ve been crying.”
“Crying?” He’s a little shocked. I’m not sure people readily admit to him why their eyes are bloodshot at 12am. “Why were you crying?”
You have got to be kidding me. “I was upset.”
“Upset?” I didn’t stutter.
“Yes, upset.”
“I just want to make sure that no one’s been beating you up.”
Fabulous. I’m 22, without a career, with bloodshot eyes, a broken headlight, and not only do I resemble a drunk on a Sunday evening, but I also look like I’ve been punched in the face repeatedly. “Oh my gosh, no.”
“You’re sure? No one’s been beating you up?”
I actually don’t need help to look this terrible. “No. I have not been beaten.”
“Okay… (insert a long pause for me to change my mind about being beat up) well (he’s staring into my bloodshot little eyes), make sure you get that headlight taken care of tomorrow.”
“First thing. Absolutely.” Please just let me get home.
“Goodnight then, ma’am.”
“Yeah, goodnight.”
I call Nick back. I have a headlight out.
“You have got to be kidding me.”
That’s what I said.
“Do you ever get pulled over for speeding or just for random lights on your car being out?”
I think it’s just the lights.
“You know that light’s a pain to change.”
I know, I’ve done it before. Whatever, I just want to go home.
“I know, I know. Just get there. Try not to get stopped again.”
I don’t ever try to get stopped, Nick.
As I pass one of the buildings I’ve passed for eighteen years, I pass a cop.
Nick, I’m about to get pulled over again.
“Are you serious?”
Yeah, he’s turning around now.
“Oh my gosh.”
No lights yet, but the cop is right behind me, waiting. I come to a full, complete, lasting stop at each stop sign. And then lights. Over again to the side of the road, with my license and registration still in my hand from less than 10 minutes ago.
And I start laughing.
I honestly can’t stop, even though the officer is getting out of her car. Even as my window rolls down and I know she’s right next to my window, everything is just so funny. I’m only 22. I’m working on getting my career into shape. I have friends and family who love me, and I will be okay. And now I have been pulled over twice in the same night for a broken headlight, accused of drinking, and being beaten. At 12.30 on a Monday morning, it is evident that God has a sense of humor, and has blessed me with one too.
Obnoxious, booming voice: “Why are you laughing?”
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. It’s just that your colleague pulled me over less than ten minutes ago in the parking lot of the USPS to let me know that my left front headlight is out. And I’ll get it fixed tomorrow, I’m just on my way home now, and it’ll get taken care of in the morning.”
“What was his name?”
“Oh gosh, I don’t even remember.”
“Well (she’s exasperated), what did he look like?”
“Tall, 5′11″, with dark hair.”
“USPS parking lot?”
Didn’t I just say this? “USPS parking lot.”
She’s skeptical, but I’ve just said everything that she pulled me over for. “Well, you can see there’s not a lot of traffic out tonight, we just jumped the gun a little.”
“It’s okay.”
“Be sure you get that fixed tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow, absolutely.”
“It’s very important that that be fixed.”
“Absolutely, it’s just that I only found out about it about ten minutes ago whenever your colleague pulled me over.”
She just walks off, and I pull away.
Nick and Dad fixed the headlight this evening.
To those of you reading: I’ve never been in an abusive situation, I just have the genetics and bad sleeping patterns that create dark circles and puffiness that make it look like I’ve slammed my face against a door. But if you are in an abusive situation, and someone asks a pointed question about you being all right, they’re trying to help you. Need help? Go to the National Domestic Violence Hotline website, or call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). There are people nationwide to help you. God bless.
4 Comments
July 8, 2008 at 11:42 am
We all are sometimes unaware of life. That seems to be a universal problem.
July 8, 2008 at 1:12 pm
Okay, I hate to laugh at your misfortune, especially when you were so upset, but that story is hilarious! I was cracking up as I read it. What are the odds of getting pulled over twice in the same night — at least she didn’t think you were drunk or abused (haha)!
Good luck with the job search. Just be patient…God will work it out. What’s the old saying? You have to kiss a few frogs before you find a prince. The same thing holds true with jobs.
July 9, 2008 at 1:41 am
That was a lot of fun to read. Whatever you decide to do, I hope it includes writing. You are a very captivating story teller
July 29, 2008 at 11:30 pm
I was engrossed in your post and I forgot I was at work. Oops.
I wish I had some wisdom to give you but I don’t. Hang in there.
Laura’s right, God will most definitely work it out.